What to do if your child does not stick to the rule

Rules are there to help your child, but it’s not uncommon for them to rebel against them. It’s just part of growing up. Children push boundaries to discover what they can and cannot do. Are you inconsistent? Then your child will continue to push boundaries. So it’s important that you’re clear and consistent in applying your rules.

Did you know

it can take your child up to a month to get used to a new rule?

It can take a while for your child to start sticking to a new rule. It is therefore important to stay strong and not give in. Has your child gotten used to the new rue? Then it has become a habit and it won’t be a struggle anymore.

Tips when your child does not stick to a rule

React immediately.

Why? If it takes you a while to tell your child they can’t do something, they will struggle to understand. Why was it allowed those first couple times and now suddenly it isn’t?

An example: Your child asks for lemonade at the table. The rule is that you drink water with your meals. In this case, you should immediately say, “I don’t want you to ask for lemonade. The rule is that we drink water with our meals”.

This way, your child will immediately realise there’s no point in whining.

Kneel down to your child’s height and look them in the eye.

Why? That way, you will make sure they are listening and they understand what you’re saying.

Stay calm.

Why? If you stay calm, your child will be more likely to listen to you. Shouting or getting angry rarely works. So stay calm and speak clearly.

Tell your child what it is you don’t like.

Why? This way, your child will understand you’re not happy with what they’re doing. But they won’t take it personally. This works better for your child’s confidence.

An example: You could say, for example, “I don’t want you to ask for lemonade. The rule is that we drink water with our meals” instead of “Why are you being so annoying? I’ve told you many times you can’t have lemonade with your meals”.

Explain the rule

Why? Your child will be more likely to stick to it.

An example: You could say, for example, “I want you to drink water because I want you to be healthy”.

Act confidently! And speak clearly.

Why? Your child will understand you’re being serious and there’s no point in whining.

An example: You could say, decisively, “I don’t want you to ask for lemonade” instead of: “I don’t like it when you ask for lemonade”.

Think in advance how you will react if your child doesn’t stick to the rule. Also discuss this with your child. An ‘if-then plan’ can help.

Why? You won’t need to think of how to respond in the moment. That will make it easier for you not to give in.

An example: You could say, for example, “If you keep whining for lemonade, then you won’t get any tomorrow”.

Set a good example.

Why? A rule is easier for your child to accept if you, as a parent, also stick to it.

An example: Also drink water with your meals.

Did you know

that you can learn a lot from filming yourself?

Have you ever watched videos of yourself? Then you might have noticed that you behave differently from what you thought. By filming and watching yourself, you can learn a lot. What did you do well and what could you do better next time? This also allows you to check how your child responded to your behaviour.

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